Blest Sunday – We Too Grieve pt. 2
Meweek evewypawdy. Hope yous weekend has been a good one. It’s been a busy one fur us, but…we get an extwa day!!! Isn’t dat pawsum? Well me dusn’t wanna take up too much time wiff updates and such cuz me weally finks ow gwievin’ series is purrtant, but me knows yous awe curious. Weez still hav no word as to when da work might get stawted on ow pawtment and as me sed this be a long weekend so weez won’t hear anyfin’ til da earliest Tuesday. So mommy decided to unpack enuff of ow stuff so dat we kuld get wound a bit better and hers kuld take fotos of ow stuff to make suwe it comes back and in da same condition it wuz in when it left. After all, da movers awe bein’ hired to pack, store and bwing back and unpack. Weez also kinda took da weekend to west, as mommy wuz just exhausted after unpackin’, and hers got a foo mowe fings hers wants to get too. So we will be visitin’ yous all again stawtin’ today. Now, altho’ we know most of yous unnewstand dat us animals gwiev, it’s always pawssible dat sumpawdy be readin’ ow blog dat dusn’t. And there may be sum fings ‘bout it yous didn’t know or fink ‘bout so dat’s why weez writin’ this series. So wiff out further adieu, here’s Lexi.
Thanks Dezi. Yes in our short time in social media we have encountered a lot of loss. And we’ve heard all kinds of stories about how you help your animals through it. Some are good and some not so much. But it’s not your fault when you do the wrong things sometimes. It’s not like we can talk and tell you something isn’t working or what you should have done. So we hope with these posts and walking you through our grieving process can help some of you understand us a bit better. Altho’ remember all animals have their own individual personalities, and these are just our tips, tricks and experiences.
(hover over the photos to read the captions)
After losing Devon, Lucky and I grew even closer. We were only 28 days apart to begin with, and now it was just us and mommy. Things were great. And then almost 4 years later Lucky got sick. It was sudden and overwhelming. His smell changed and mommy would take him out and when he came home he smelled even stranger. (I still react badly to the smell of the vets office) He pulled away from me, but I didn’t care. He didn’t smell like my Lucky anymore. I would scream and hiss when he came around. This didn’t last long as he died so quickly after getting sick. Not even a week went by and he was gone. My anger turned quickly to fear and grief. I began to search for him around every corner and in all the places he used to hide. I would pace on the bed at night and meow almost non stop. I spent a lot of time with mommy and didn’t want her to be out of my sight. She was sad too and I could feel it. I didn’t eat. Mommy recognized what was going on and gave me extra love and would talk to me in that loving and gentle voice that says everything’s going to be okay.
The one thing mommy did that helped me get through it, was to change her grieving process so that I didn’t feel her sadness as much. As many of you know we animals sense your emotions and behave accordingly. Now that doesn’t mean you can’t grieve your beloved furry family member. It just means that you avoid obsessing about it, especially when you are in direct contact with us. Remember we are still here. Try to appreciate us. Play with us and speak with a slight lilt in your voice.
We know things have changed and we’ve gotten by now that our housemate isn’t coming back, but we don’t truly understand death. You see in the wild we would see and smell the illness and then the death. Yes, death has a smell. But being domesticated often death happens outside of our presence. As does many times the illness. In the wild we would avoid or push away the sick member because they are weak and would possibly draw predators to us. But in a home as domesticated animals we often show empathy to the sick and weak among us. And then suddenly they’re not there anymore.
Bringing home the body and presenting it to us to smell does not work!! The body has the smell of the vets office and medication, not that of death. Since most of us (especially cats) aren’t crazy about the vet we don’t understand what you’re trying to tell us. We communicate through smells more than vision, so instead of helping us say goodbye, you are causing us to feel more trepidatious about the vet and those at least yearly visits. If our house mate was undergoing treatments of any kind before death, even though they die in our home, the body doesn’t have the true smell of death.
The best way to help us is to allow us to grieve but don’t let it linger. We know you need to grieve as well, but around us you have to present a strong front. If we appear to find a blanket or favorite toy that belonged to our house mate comforting, then allow us to have it. You don’t have to completely erase their presence in the home, but a shrine isn’t good for either of us. Mommy believes that with the death of a beloved furry somewhere out there is another furry looking for you. A new furry WILL NOT REPLACE the beloved furry that left you, but they will help fill the void and offer lots of love. And even if we act out and don’t seem very accepting, it is occupying our mind and re-directing our grief. Just watch an make sure nobody gets really hurt. And as most of you know, when you want to stop an unwanted behavior re-direction is often the best way to go about it. And although we don’t really speak the same language, mommy has found that if she sits down with us and explains that our house mate has gone to heaven (or whatever you believe in) and isn’t coming back we seem to calm down.
We know these are not the only ways to deal with grief in your furry family members. These tips are based on our personal experiences and mommys’ experiences and knowledge from being a vet tech. We hope this has helped some of you understand our grieving process a bit better. We didn’t cover every minute or action, but enough of the highlights to convey the emotions. Although we wish nobody or animal had to experience loss, death is a part of life. Mommy loves wholeheartedly and losing a fur baby is very hard on her too. But thankfully she learned a long time ago that she can talk about her grief with others for comfort. But I have no one but her, and my health depends on how quickly I can bounce back and let go. We love you all dearly and are grateful to have met you even though it’s only online. You are as much a part of our family as we are to each other.
Fanks sissyfur fur shawin’. As Lexi sez weez suwe hope yous can find sum tip to take away wiff you. Gwief is a natural purrawcess but you can’t live there and neevew can we. Ifin yous need help copin’ wiff da loss of a luved one, purrlease ask. Sumtimes we all need a little help fwum ow furmily and furiends.
Til da nex time…………….Be Blest!!!